Disappearing Acts


Have done this all my life. Not sure what it means, but it’s me. I am here, I disappear for awhile, I’m back.

A family problem interrupted the adventure I had in mind two years ago. And changed my course, in part by making the original plan impossible to pursue, but also by compelling me to do something else.

So here I am, not teaching English as a second language in Europe, spending my evenings in local cafes, but working in Calgary, Alberta. Full-time. For Alberta Health Services, on health care. On the medical records challenges that make medical mistakes inevitable.

I know that in the long run it doesn’t matter. As a vivid dream informed me last night, we are past the tipping point on climate change. I’m one of those “face the truth” people, but am still fighting that one. It seems incomprehensible, the idea that we have really set in motion the destruction of the ecosystem that enables us to survive. The mind is an interesting thing. I “forget” this truth. I go days without being aware of it. I get excited about Bill McKibben’s tour, and grasp desperately at signs that there is hope, that it will be hard, but we’ll survive, that technology will save the day. Hollywood stuff. The end is near because we’ve caused it, and nobody is coming to save us. How do we deal with that?

In the meantime I’ll work on solving a problem that won’t matter a whit in a few decades when people are starving, climate refugees are moving across North America, and cities are underwater.

So what do we do?

I know a lovely young woman with cancer. Read her blog: Young Lady Old Cancer  She has inspired me.

I want to find a way to live a life of meaning from beginning to end, not just my end (something I didn’t believe in when I was 20, but now realize is inevitable), but the end of all of us.   Let’s see whether we can still have lovely, positive lives. Let’s see whether we can continue to fight the good fight, care for each other, share what we have, and dance all the way there.

Until we disappear.


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